


Be Safe

by TigStripe



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Grief, M/M, One Shot, Poe's pov, Role Reversal, Romance, Worry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-16
Updated: 2018-01-16
Packaged: 2019-03-05 17:17:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13392525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TigStripe/pseuds/TigStripe
Summary: When Poe gets injured on a mission and Finn's the one who gets sent off on a dangerous mission of his own with little backup, Poe realizes just what Finn goes through every day.





	Be Safe

That mission didn't go well _at all_.

I remember the reconnaisance droids getting blown up, then the TIEs coming out of nowhere. Jess flipped out, screaming about how she'd just found a mech to agree to fly with her, and now this. BB-8 didn't help matters – it kept screaming about how we were outmanned ten to one. I almost had to switch off my comms out of annoyance.

But then it got worse. My shields got pummeled and suddenly my HUD was blaring warnings at me. BB-8 tried to restore them, and was successful, but not before a TIE's laser bolt had slammed into one of my S-foils. I dropped into a dramatic tailspin, silently appreciating the elegance of what was happening to me, and I wound up planetside.

My rescue was quick. I will always appreciate the rest of my squad. How they managed to take out the rest of the TIE fighters _and_ rescue me without any more losses, I have no idea. Maybe I don't give them enough credit as pilots.

...Don't tell Snap or Jess I said that.

But the crash onto the planet had jarred some things loose. I broke my leg in a few places, and I had a concussion. When we got back to base, General Organa ripped into me about being more careful (then later apologized, as she knew I had been trying my best to _not_ get shot up).

I spent the next few days in and out of the medbay – my injuries were minor, easily treatable, but I was grounded until the medics gave me the all clear to fly. That hurt my pride more than anything, although one thing in particular hurt my heart even worse.

When I stepped out of that fighter back on base, I had a welcoming party waiting for me – that stupidly handsome former First Order soldier had decided it was okay to wait up for me, after I'd specifically told him not to. Finn and Rey were waiting for me, Rey tapping her foot impatiently and Finn's arms crossed tight over his chest in concern. I limped up to them, nearly falling on top of Finn when I tried to stop.

Finn told me how worried he'd been once he had heard I had been shot down. I apologized the best I could, but neither of them seemed convinced. It's like they thought I _wanted_ to risk my life or something. We argued a little, but made up over dinner after I had my leg inspected.

The next day, I was sitting on my bed in my bunk, looking through some X-Wing specification data on my pad, when my door hissed open without warning. I looked over at the door to see Finn standing there, scratching the back of his head like he was embarrassed about something.

“Finn, I could have been naked,” I said, wagging a finger at him. “Knock next time, unless you want an eyefull of Poe.”

Finn chuckled nervously, and stepped into my room. He closed the door. “I just wanted to stop by and let you know what was going on,” Finn said.

My interest piqued, I raised an eyebrow. “What's happening, buddy?”

(As a side note, I love the look on Finn's face whenever he catches me calling him “buddy” or “pal.” It's this weird...half-blush thing he does, like he's surprised anyone is calling him that, and he really enjoys it.)

Finn's eyes widened and he shifted his weight nervously. “Oh, the General is sending me on a mission this afternoon,” he explained. “Reconnaisance, but ground work.”

I didn't like this at all. “Finn,” I said, all joking aside, “you be careful, do you hear me?”

Finn scoffed. “You mean like you were careful yesterday?”

I waved my arms at him, almost slamming my datapad into the wall by accident. “It was an _ambush_ , Finn! I couldn't have stopped that if I'd tried!” And oh, how I had tried to not die.

I scooted over on my bed and patted it, inviting him to sit. He did, and I leaned up against his back, wrapping my arms around him. “I'm sorry for what happened yesterday,” I said quietly. “But I'm not exactly out of my depth, here. I'm an experienced pilot. You can count the number of missions you've had on one hand.”

Finn nodded. “Yeah, I'm nervous, but I'll have a few people with me.”

I pulled Finn back, and he was soon lying up against me with my arms wrapped around his chest. He put his hands on mine, and we sat like that for a long while in silence, not wanting to talk about what the rest of the day held for us.

“Just promise me you'll be careful out there,” I said.

He nodded without looking back at me. I kissed the back of his head before hugging him close.

That afternoon, I helped see Finn off on his mission, flanked by Rose and the General. Rey, as it turned out, was going on the mission with him. I felt bad for not wishing her more luck, but hey – I wasn't sleeping with Rey, was I?

Once the shuttle was out of sight, I asked Leia to explain the situation to me. She agreed, but only if I swore to not bother her about Finn's status repeatedly. I promised, but in my heart I had a feeling it was an empty one. I get the feeling she knew it was, too.

Finn's job was to sneak onto an occupied planet and find an informant we'd been in contact with for a few weeks. There were rumors of a new Starkiller base being constructed, and we needed verification. Getting there and getting the information was the easy part, but C-3PO's droid network had informed us that the First Order was occupying the planet in considerably more force than expected. That made a small team of infiltrators particularly useful for this mission. Finn was selected because of his experience with First Order protocol, and Rey for her Force abilities. The last person on their mission was a shuttle pilot familiar with the informant droid.

It reminded me heavily of a mission I'd gone on with C-3PO a few months back – and that mission hadn't gone very well at all. Thinking about it gave me a sinking feeling, and digestion to boot.

The mission briefing gave us a time frame of two to three days, reliant on how easy it was to find the droid operative. On day one, I was antsy. On day two, I realized how much energy my heart was burning to pump that fast. On day three, I found I had no appetite.

On day four, I was nearly in a state of panic.

“We haven't heard anything from the group, Captain. You'll just have to relax,” Leia ordered. I tried. I really did. But they were late, and in this world, “late” means “dead.”

“I'm trying, General, but-”

“I know. It can't be easy for you,” Leia said with a curt nod. “Trust me when I say that I understand. But you know how this works, Poe.”

The sinking feeling in my stomach only worsened.

“You're late for your physical therapy,” Leia muttered, turning her back to me. I sighed and limped my way out of the command center like a kicked puppy. It's how I felt, anyway.

That evening, I couldn't even bring myself to go to the mess hall for dinner. Instead, I found myself out on a nearby grassy knoll, near a small leafless tree that held some particularly fond memories for me. We'd had our first kiss under that tree, under the stars peeking through the branches. The grass under my body was where we had stretched out and watched the stars, thinking about our place in the universe. The sky above twinkled that night, but soon became blurry as tears welled up in my eyes.

If you've never been worried for another person, let me tell you – it's excruciating. Your heart throbs with every beat, like your blood has congealed and it's only your sheer will forcing it to flow. You can hear your pulse in your head when it's quiet, which is really the only distraction from thinking of that person. Your mouth tends to be dry, and your hands are clammy. Muscles ache due to unconsciously tensing up throughout the day.

Overall, not fun.

I thought about Finn a lot that night, but I also found myself concerned for Rey – they were out there, alone, against the might of the First Order on an occupied planet, and Rey was really the only hope we had against a dark Force user like Kylo Ren. Without her, the Resistance would have a much harder time against someone with his powers.

And let me tell you – if you think being worried over one person is bad, try being worried over _two_.

I wanted to hear the hurried footsteps of Rose, running up the hill to tell me they'd returned. I wanted to hear Rey's playful teasing about how Finn blushed whenever I call him buddy. I wanted to feel Finn's face under my fingertips. I wanted to see him.

 _Stars_ , I wanted to see him.

 _Please be okay_ , I thought as I closed my eyes, sending as much helpful energy into the universe as I could.

I have no idea how, but I fell asleep on the hillside that night. I woke up with the sun in my eyes and Rose standing over me. I blinked the haze away and looked up at her. “Rose? Any news?”

Rose nodded, but something was wrong. She wasn't smiling or happy. In fact, she looked downright sad. I felt my heart fall somewhere into my stomach.

She helped me back to the base, to the medbay. _No, no, no_ , was all that was running through my head. The closer to the medbay we got, the harder my heart raced and the colder I felt.

We walked into the room and I saw the form lying in the bed before me.

I felt my heart stop.

Finn was there, unmoving, his breathing ragged, with bandages wrapped on his left arm, across his torso, and on his head. His skin was stained with the runoff of blood. The monitor to his side showed a stable heartbeat, but his blood pressure was low. He was not conscious.

“No,” I whispered, reaching out for something to support myself. My legs turned to jelly and I almost fell over right then and there.

Rose helped me steady myself and pulled up a chair for me at Finn's side. My eyes never once left his form, his chest struggling to rise and fall rhythmically.

“He's stable,” the medic said, looking at his datapad, “but he's still on watch. He suffered some considerable injuries during a crash.”

I broke my gaze from Finn long enough to look at the medic. I probably looked like I was going to murder him. “A _crash_ ,” I said, nearly spitting the words.

The medic nodded. “According to Rey, yes.”

_Rey._

I knew it was infantile. I knew I was better than that. But in that moment, I felt a seething hatred of the woman who could still walk and talk, while Finn was practically comatose. _Again_.

“I want to know what happened,” I whispered. Rose put her hand on my shoulder, but it did nothing to comfort me. “Rose, go get Rey. I _need_ to know what happened.”

Rose hesitated, but I felt her hand slip away from my shoulder, and heard the hiss of the door behind her.

A few minutes later, I found myself in the hallway outside Finn's door, shaking in rage as Rose and Rey walked up to me. As soon as she was in range, I rounded on Rey and grabbed her by the wrists.

“ _Explain_ ,” I said through gritted teeth.

Rey's eyes were soft and sad. She had a few scrapes on her head, and a bruise on her neck, near her shoulder. I looked down at her wrists and realized they were wrapped in medical bandages, not her normal sandwear. I released my grip, suddenly realizing she was injured, as well.

“Sorry,” I muttered. I wasn't, but I didn't feel like making things worse.

“The mission was a success,” Rey said. “Everything was going great. We got the info we were looking for, but a survivor from the _Supremacy_ recognized Finn as we were boarding the shuttle to leave.” She started pacing back and forth. “They chased us halfway across the planet. At first, it was just some local speeders, but before long, we had TIE fighters on us. Our pilot deserves a medal for outmaneuvering them in a _shuttle_.”

I watched her every move, disdain filling my view, but even in my rage I had to admit that was an impressive tale.

“They hit us,” Rey said, looking straight at me. “The crash was bad, Poe. We managed to lose them in a small chasm as we touched down, but Finn was knocked around a lot more than either of us.”

“Why wasn't he restrained?” I asked angrily. “That should have been step one.”

“We told him to hang on, and to fasten in,” Rey replied, averting her eyes, “but he was hanging out the side of the shuttle with a hand blaster, firing on the Order. Managed to clip a fuel line on one of the fighters. Brought it down with us.”

“That's impressive,” Rose commented, her arms crossed. “I don't even know if I can tell you where he hit.”

Rey nodded, then looked back at me. A tear fell down her cheek. “Poe, I'm so sorry I wasn't able to protect him. I _told_ him to sit down. But he just couldn't bear to have the Order on us like that.”

She collapsed into a nearby chair and started sobbing. Looking at her shaking form, it reminded me that I wasn't the only person who cared for Finn – the two of them had been inseparable since Starkiller base. It was only natural that Rey blamed herself.

I limped up to Rey and put a hand on her shoulder in an attempt to comfort her. I didn't say anything – nothing I could say would make her stop blaming herself – but I did squeeze her shoulder gently before returning to Finn's room, letting her know silently that _I_ didn't blame her.

I didn't eat that day. Or the next. I never left Finn's side. When the medics tried to push me out to check on him, or that first night after visiting hours were over, the General herself stepped in to allow me to sit with him. I'm eternally grateful to her for that.

The second night following their return, I was informed that Finn was stable. Their hopes were high he would make a full recovery, but he remained unconscious.

I sat there, with his hand in mine, hoping he could hear me.

“Finn. Buddy,” I pleaded, “please wake up.” I bent down and kissed his hand, then pressed it to my forehead. “I know you. You're the bravest, toughest son of a bitch I've ever met. People on the base have been praying for you, Finn. I don't know if I believe in any of their gods, but I know I believe in you. _In us_.”

No response.

I set his hand back down on the bed, my fingers clasping his. He was so serene now, so beautiful. I felt nothing but longing, just to see him open his eyes, or to feel him take my hand, or for him to say my name. Or anything, really.

“I'm sorry I wasn't more careful in the field,” I said, a tear falling down my cheek. It was warm, and somehow comforting to feel. “And I promise I'll always come home to you. I'll destroy the Empire all over again if I have to, just to come home to you.”

I squeezed his hand weakly, but it was all I could manage. “So please, Finn. _Please_. Wake up.”

I lowered my head against his bedside and sat that way for a long time. I had not moved when I felt it.

A single, solitary twitch, from Finn's middle finger.

I raised my head and looked at Finn's fingers. His index finger and his middle finger flexed, ever so slightly, like they were trying to grip my fingers. My heart began to race, my eyes widened, and a tear formed in my eye.

“ _Finn?_ ”

His fingers continued to flex, gripping my fingers weakly. I stood up quickly, ignoring the shooting pain in my leg, and picked up his hand in both of mine. I looked up at his face and saw the cracks in his lids start. Slowly, oh so slowly, they opened, blinking awake. He groggily looked around, his eyes resting on me. He smiled weakly.

“Poe,” he said, barely a whisper.

“Shh, no, buddy, don't talk,” I said, tears streaming down my face, my smile shaky. I reached out and placed my hand against his cheek. “You need to rest.”

“I heard you,” he whispered.

I blinked the tears away and smiled more confidently. “I'm glad you did,” I said with a laugh.

Finn leaned his face into the palm of my hand, his eyes closing. I felt his hand relax and I saw him drift into sleep. I stayed awake beside him all that night. He woke up three times, each time very briefly, and each time he said four words that made my stomach do flips every time:

“I love you, Poe.”

A week later, Finn was finally released from the medbay, but still under observation. I brought him to my bunk, where I could keep a close eye on him. He was feeling fine, and was even up and walking around (when I let him).

The final night of his first week back, Finn asked me, “Were you serious?”

I set the tray of rations down in front of him on my bed. “About what, buddy?”

“You'd fight the Empire for me?” he asked, a shy smile crossing his lips.

I blushed. I _had_ said that. I coughed. “Sure,” I said.

“That's not very convincing,” Finn replied with a raised eyebrow.

I leaned down at kissed him on the forehead. “For you, pal, I'd do _anything_.”

When I tried to stand up, Finn reached up and grabbed my tunic. He pulled me into a deep kiss, rough and messy. I was surprised, but not disappointed. At some point, the tray of rations found its way to the floor. I found myself lying underneath Finn on my own bed, his dark eyes boring into my very soul.

“ _Anything_ , huh?” Finn teased, his hand running down my torso. I knew what he wanted. I was wary, considering his injuries, but he seemed pretty insistent. I could feel his excitement pressing into mine. If this is what he wanted a week after surviving a catastrophic encounter with the First Order, who was I to argue? I just grinned, pulling him into another deep kiss.

I could get used to _this_ kind of physical therapy.


End file.
